Saturday, 22 March 2014

Just having a think!

Sometimes things stop me in my tracks. I spend a while mulling such things over. This mulling and consideration often does not lead to a conclusion. Perhaps the conclusion is not important. Perhaps it's this very mulling which is the essence,the seed,the embryo. What it develops into ... Perhaps just thoughts thrown on the wind.

I think I used to be more judgemental than I am now. I had that wonderful confidence that youth brings. That shining light that leads you to wave banners on student protests.

That stroppines that leads you into minor or even major disagreements with your parents.

That arrogance that when you start a new job, it let's you believe you are the one who knows how it should be done.

I remember moaning to my Mum one day when I was quite grown up. I was going over old issues about sibling rivalry. I was pretending to be totally grown up and understanding about the situation. In reality I was trying to score a point. An old point. An unimportant point. A point that should have been laid to rest years before. I was the only person it was bothering.

My Mum looked at me and very calmly said " maybe that is how you remember it,but that's not how it was !"

It was said without malice,anger or even frustration just gently. I thought about this for ages and will never forget those words.

It's not just about memories it's about perceptions. I remember crying to someone many years ago about a very important issue. My tears and obvious distress were totally unheeded. I still feel that hardness of attitude unkind. I drove away crying. But I came to realise I could not win that battle because I thought I was in the right. I was in my right but not hers. Her right was completely different. We were looking at the same thing but with completely opposite perspectives.

So, where is this rambling leading. I had the most wonderful response to my last post about my moment of "fame!" But there amongst the comments was one from an anonymous follower. It went like this.

"You are a wonderful person Linda,it shines through and you certainly don't look your age. I have read your blog for a long time but never had the guts to comment. I think that you must be a wonderful Mum,Nan,Wife but most of all,you as a person. My parents chose to live in a different country ten years ago.I am married with two boys aged 7 and11. I miss having family near and often question their choice. I feel sad for you,with William living in Dubai. He is so lucky to have you both as Grandparents.You reach out to people,even on a page.The blog you wrote about stopping the well dressed lady,who looked sad and you told her,that she looked lovely.Well that made me cry.The world needs more people like you. We all carry things around with us,that we don't tell people about.We put a brave face on and smile,there are also times,that you want someone to see through it and show compassion.Your that type of person. Sorry to go on. X"

I wish I could contact this lovely person. I have thought about her words a great deal. She obviously misses her parents so much. I think it easy,well fairly easy to babble on here at Chalky's but yet she is worried to comment. I hope she does again soon. I hope there is someone who sees her need for a gentle hug. We all need those so much.

And then this morning I was reading this lovely blog

http://todaysstuff-leanne.blogspot.com.es/2014/03/fretting.html

I have been a follower of Leanne since she first started her blog and I love the way she writes. She makes me laugh, she makes me chuckle, she makes me feel better. I think about her when she is on the bottom of one of her beautiful waves in St. Ives. I just love the way she tells it just as it is. She has ups, downs and all arounds. But her honesty always shows through.

This morning there was an anonymous comment on her latest post.


Anonymous22 March 2014 05:51

so nice to see honesty in the blog world - so often the apparent perfection of everyone else's life leaves me feeling very inadequate. I've been feeling bit like you, and someone recommended mindfulness in a frantic world (available on amazon quite cheaply but get the proper book as it has a cd of mindfulness exercises attached, which the kindle doesn't). oh, and try and find some sun as vitamin d helps...hope you feel better soon but be gentle with yourself in the meantime


I have thought about this comment all day. I totally understand her sentiments about blogging. I rarely open up and tell it just as it is. This is not so much of an issue about my life these days as getting older has its definite rewards ... Not so much angst, not so much to worry about, not such a hectic lifestyle. Getting older brings a certain amount of anonymity in this judgemental world of ours. No one really notices if my hair,nails,make up etc are on trend!

But, blogging is about thoughts. How often do we put a brave face on it? How often do we fail to see someone else needing a hug? How often do we perceive that things are amazing?

I glibly put a sharing poster about Cancer on my Facebook page once. I agreed with the sentiments but I did not think about it deeply. I soon changed my perceptions when an old college friend wrote to tell me he was battling a long and non successful fight with that horrible disease.

The balance between choosing to blog about all the good things in our lives without realising it could make someone feel inadequate, and choosing to perhaps bare our soul a little is a hard one. Not only can you feel inadequate by some of the stunning blogs out there in Blogland, sometimes you can feel downright envious. But that is a challenge I hit head on. Envy and jealousy are horrible feelings so I just count my lucky stars a few more times before I drift off to sleep and as I awake each morning. This acknowledgment by actually counting and mindfully thinking about all the good things I have has helped my personal developement so much in recent years. I might admire things, tons of things. Admiring is different than coveting. A want is so very different than a need.

I hope to be in the blogging world for a long time. It has come to mean a lot to me, as have the the lovely virtual friends I have made,and am continuing to make. They are special because they are able and brave enough to let me see a little way past their beautiful photos and a little way into their hearts.

Oh, and Leanne this photo is for you. With love.

 

 

 

12 comments:

  1. Thank you for such a wonderful post! You said a lot of things we need to remind ourselves.

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    1. Hello Susan. Thank you so much for popping in and leaving such a lovely comment

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  2. I appreciate this post. These are all things I often have to remind myself about. Blogging is funny because it's so easy to start comparing yourself to others. But it wouldn't be YOUR blog if you were trying to make it just like someone else's blog, and I think that's important to remember, for all of us.

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    1. Your certainty of this makes your blog such a special place for all of us who follow you x

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  3. It is an odd thing, my blog has been so up and down of late as have I. The last three days I have posted cheery things as though I am full of the joys of spring and the posts before that we doom and gloom personified - well, they seem that way to me! - I imagine that others think that I am exaggerating the difficulties that I hint at in my blog, but cannot fully share, when I flip flop from one to the other, down to up. It is however me trying to be honest and make an honest reflection of my life on my blog. I try always to be honest about the good and the bad on my blog. What makes it hard though is that the difficulties are not all mine, so I don't feel that I can share them. We hope that in the next few days things will be a bit clearer in our lives and I have a post that I am working on to share a few things that you might find interesting Linda, I would like to know what you think when I post it. Take care of yourself, keep being you and doing what you do as I really like to read your blog and your thoughts. xx

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  4. Linda, I am glad that we both decided to blog and can at least share life in cyberspace. After several years of blogging I find it an amazing outlet for both creativity and connectedness, and a challenge to meaningfully honestly communicate with others. Thanks so much for introducing me to Leanne. I have just read a number of her posts and am enjoying getting to know her and the world around her! xx

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  5. This is a very open and honest heart-warming post Linda, but then I don't expect anything different than that from you: you give us 'YOU' and as far as I'm concerned, that's what I'm here for because I totally agree with your sentiments, your tenderness!
    We live and learn and usually mellow as we mature and experience life with its many curves, distractions and disturbances - YOUR beauty is not only on the outside, it comes from within and shines through; thank you so much for sharing it! Love, Joy xo

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  6. What a though provoking post, my friend! I will go check out your friend's blog. I wish you could have been at lunch with us blog girls yesterday. I did a post this morning with photos.. come on over. ((hugs)), Teresa :-)

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  7. Oh Linda.You have made me blush.I didn't expect a mention on your blog. Life can be tough and can test you to the fullest. I am a happy person,who seems to have it tough.I'm not the only one. It's not as cut and dry ,that I miss my parents.I have learnt to cope with out them near.You have to. We all wear masks from time to time. I work part-time,with the general public.I am the person who always has a smile and is friendly and remembers regular customers and bits of past conversations with them. I am the friend who gives advice and listens. I try to stay positive,difficult, when you had chronic postnatal depression twice, that lasted years.She you lose confidence in yourself but you fight it all the way. My husband was diagnosed with a serious condition over two years ago.Two words,that changes the way people treat you or view you,Brain tumour.Now I am rambling,sorry. My point is this,when I'm alone,I read the blogs and they all give me a different things.I won't name names because I wouldn't want to leave anyone out. I share the honesty,joy,the bits of their lives.You Linda I just warmed to you.Easily done.You do remind me of my mum,you are a few years younger though. Do I need a hug? Not when the mask is on. I have two beautiful children and I think if everything in the last eleven years was the price to pay,then it's worth it.As for my husband, you can't think I wish it wasn't him with it because you wouldn't wish it on anyone else.Our children don't know,only people who need to know,know and we try to keep life normal as possible.Wow I really have unloaded.I am sorry.Easy when it's anonymous. X



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  8. Your post is wonderful and thought provoking, as usual, Linda, I smile to myself almost every day, at how placid I am now compared to when I was younger. You learn through life events and age, just which things are worth reacting to, and which just to let go. I too have recently bought "Mindfulness - Finding Peace in a Frantic World". I would recommend it to anyone.

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  9. Hey Linda,

    Thank you. I have been overwhelmed at the response to my latest blog post. I never expected it. Life here is in a state of flux at the moment. I used to be a person who grabbed life by the balls. My life has become much smaller in the past ten years. A coping mechanism for depression. Lately I have been dipping my toe into leading a bigger life. A life where I step outside my comfort zone again, and say yes instead of no. It's a challenge, and sometimes I am overwhelmed. I need to find a sense of perspective, and walk before I can run.
    All the above sounds terribly cryptic, and I really am not one for seeking attention or fishing for compliments. My blog allows me to express how I feel on any given day, as well as sharing my day to day adventures and funny side of life. I feel safe sharing it all, which seems odd as it is a public arena, But it has always been a safe and supportive space for me, and I have met many people who have become friends. You are one of those people.

    Wth love
    Leanne xx

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  10. Thank you for a lovely post today, Linda. Thank you, too, for touching on thoughts and feelings that are not always expressed and shared............ and thank you for those warm hugs you share with us.
    I must admit I often do not tell it like it is but I also hope I don't sugar-coat things.......for I believe that no one else wants to hear about my health issues, my troubles, my obstacles, those meanderings in my mind............since reaching 60 has put many of them to rest, or tempered them, or at least I have come to grips with them.......... accepted some, and learned to live with the others..........I suppose my public and my private face often differ from one another, but I do not wish to wallow in my sorrows, but acknowledge them and move on.........and some times, being a rather private person, I acknowledge them only to myself..........

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